Woman in Love – Love At First Sight…
I had prepared a cup of tea for myself. It was Friday. I didn’t feel like going out. The snow drops were knocking at the window. My friends convinced me to go out. Like in the old good times. And there was he: young in soul and dressed in positive thought. He wasn’t younger than me – but he was. I wasn’t older than him – but I was! His eyes were sparkling with joy.
It wasn’t love at first sight – I have already met him years before. But this time, I saw him for the first time.
I have put my famous smile on my face. I didn’t want anyone to notice the reality – My Reality! And, my reality was one and only – melancholy! The music that was going in the background wasn’t very much like him.
I didn’t like, also. But, as the minutes were passing by, it turned out to be, “not” so bad. I decided to have a good time, no matter what was going on. Finally, these few hours of fake happiness was the only happy moment I can have in this life.
We changed numbers and mails. I thought he would never call me. I did a first step, I don’t know why I messaged him and he called me. My heart went up and down; my pulse reached; my blood was running in my veins like a wild river. I didn’t admit to myself, but I had fallen in love with him.
That period I was really down. I had in fact, a nightmare at home. I was on the crossroad; Between me and my husband; Between me and my children; Between my home and gay I met – I wasn’t thinking about falling in love with him. Never in my life I had imagined I would met someone very much like me; to lift me up to the sky; to put the whole world into my hands. Am I woman in love now?!
My children are the center of my world, now I find the world have two centers. Everybody already have judged me. I was doing the right things, till one point, when I realized, that there is no use of doing things right. Few months before I met these gay, I was in the hospital facing death.Above all, I was with a gay (besides my husband), who didn’t even come to see me. My children at that moment, were the only light at the end of the tunnel. This gay was the miracle I badly needed. But now…..I see this miracle is – an ordinary man. In fact, I needed somebody to blame for situation in which I was – and he was the most suitable for this purpose.
A Woman In Love.
My husband did so many mistakes; He is the killer of my enthusiasm. The only beautiful remaining thing from that relationship – are my children. My husband was never the love of my life. He was only an exit from my ruined childhood. A mother “wh..re” and a father an “eternal bachelor”- are not the parent that every child dreams of……Tell me about it!!!! This marriage was a reasonable mistake at that moment. Like in a dream I said “Yes” – the word that has marred my life for good. At this moment, I’m the woman who is older than she really is; a woman that is spouse; a woman that has cheated her husband; a mother; a woman in love…
I feel tired. It is no excuse that I cheated my husband. This gay was supposed be the perfect one…No!!! He is the perfect one!!! But, he is too late. Nobody has ever asked me, if I had a need to be loved; To love; To feel; To be protected…..Woman in love like me a treated like as wh..es. They are not even mothers anymore. So what!!! Am I more guilty than all these killers that with cold blood take away innocent lives…Is a killer more innocent than a wh..re?!
Yes, he is!! (In this world)!