Do you know that there are many relationship killers?
A successful relationship is the best thing that you could experience. However, often, the relationship fails because of stupid reasons.
The Major Relationship Killers and Reasons.
1. Controlling Behavior. Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection by a loved one. This fear may be the reason for various forms of controlling behavior. There are two categories of this fear – overt control and covert control.
- Overt control is manifested by rage, blaming anger, violence, criticism, ridicule, and judgment.
- Covert control manifested through defending, compliance, denying, enabling, explaining, withdrawal and lying. Often, one who is attacked, trying to establish control over the situation and to prevent the attack through a form of covert control (defense).
Controlling behavior always results in dissatisfaction or emotional distance and instead of preventing, it carries drawbacks and rejection in relationships. In a word – counter-effect.
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2. Neediness. Often, people enter the relationship hoping that their partner will fill all their shortcomings and gaps, take away the loneliness, contribute to feeling better, raise self-esteem and value, etc…
In fact, these people have not learned to take responsibility for their own feelings and needs. They do not define their own values. In that case, they cling to their partner.
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3. Resistance. Many people enter into a relationship with a deep fear of losing themselves. Due to the overwhelming love and eventual loss of a loved one, they allow too much control over themselves. Because of that, the partners are facing resistance, manifested as unconsciousness, numbness, withdrawal, procrastination…
When one partner wants to control the other, resistance grows and the relationship becomes immobilized. The partners feel stagnant, frustrated, and resentful.
4. Eyes on Partner. Many people in relationships blame their partners for their problems. They count their mistakes and convince themselves that their partner made those relationship problems, unaware of their own behavior. For example, you can be aware:
- Of your partner’s behavior and his refusal, but completely unaware of their own behavior.
- For addictive behavior of the partner, but completely unaware of your judgmental behavior.
- For the wrath of a partner, but unaware of your own compliance.
In addition, as long as your eyes are on your partner, instead of yourself, you will continue to believe that if only your partner changed, the problems will disappear. That is wrong. This means that the relationship is wrong.
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5. Substance and Process Addictions. Most people, which are not in a relationship, feel psychologically empty and when entering they turn to substance and process addictions. They do that in order to reduce pain, loneliness and fill all their gaps. Other elements of filling such gaps can be gambling, affairs, food, spending, busyness, beautifying, drug or alcohol abuse, and many others. It is going to avoid fears of failure, rejection, engulfment, and inadequacy. In fact, they are only actions that will distance you from your partner.
How To Resolve The Relationship Killers?
All relationship killers come from the fear of rejection, failure, engulfment, and inadequacy. As long as you are hard-pressed, these fears will behave inappropriately.
Advice on Relationship Killers: For love to grow into a healthy and beautiful relationship, partners need to take full responsibility for their own feelings and needs. Define your value, be filled with love, move your eyes locked on your partner’s mistakes and see yours. Find a compromise and establish balance in the relationship. This is the only way your relationship will grow and last.
A good way to do that is a daily exercise of all the steps to overcome your addictive and controlling behavior, but also taking the personal responsibility to heal your relationship.
Love Advice: Love and be loved. Nobody is perfect, but everyone, just as it is, deserves love! Keep your love away from these relationship killers. Kill the relationship killers!