The kid’s brain is fragile. If a kid bashes her/his head against concrete, her/his brain will suffer greater injury than an adult’s under the same conditions.
However, we often forget that kid’s brain is not only physically fragile but also mentally. Psychologists compare their brains to soft, impressionable play-doh. So, when parents say some harsh words, they might stay with their kids for years. What might seem like harmless words at the beginning, could later affect the kid’s psychological development.
The following list includes the five most common harmful phrases kids hear daily.
1. “That’s Life”
If your kid comes home devastated because their crush didn’t accept their dance request, don’t say ‘that’s life”, no matter how tempting that might be. It’s like telling them their experience is not something unique, so they better accept it soon.
Although this is fine to say to a 25-year-old in the same situation, it’s not something appropriate to say to kids. Their brain is physically unable to accept the thought that what they go through is not something unique. If they hear this, they will feel guilty, confused, and frustrated.
The reasonable thing to do is to validate their experience and encourage them to recover quickly from the misfortune.
2. “You’re Too Sensitive”
As psychologists explain, some kids are born with a more finely tuned nervous system, so their reactions are quicker and more intense to almost everything. Their parents are wrong when they try to wash their sensitivity out. Gradually, this will confuse kids’ brain chemistry, and lower their ability to empathize with others. If you think about it, it’s logical to not care about others’ feelings if they are taught that their own emotions don’t matter.
Elinor Bashe is a child psychologist who advises parents to listen and accept their kid’s emotions, even if sometimes they don’t make sense.
3. “Shut Up”
Parents learn to kids from a very young age that this phrase is insulting. So, the parent is the last person who should insult their kid. In most cases, you tell ‘shut up to your kid when you’re overwhelmed. Although this can happen to anyone, why not explaining your kid in a nice way that you will appreciate some quiet after your long day at work?
Even better, why not determine a specific period when your kid can make all the noise s/he wants, and then be quiet?
4. “Because I Said So”
“Because I said so” is an awful response to a kid who doesn’t understand why s/he needs to do something you demand. It can build resentment in them as it forces them to accept a certain belief. All this will cause a power struggle when they manage to find answers on their own, so they will start questioning the authority of their parents.
Instead, try giving a real answer, no matter how annoying that might seem. After all, as a parent, your decisions are probably based on logic, so why not help your kids understand them?
You can see more phrases that are not appropriate to tell your kid in the video below.
Via David Wolfe | Empowering Parents | Positive Parenting Solutions | Parents | Child Mind | Very Well | Learning
